May the road rise up to meet you.

I have decided that loss is a funny thing. Yesterday at 10:00 at night I found out that 3 girls who went to my high school, 2 of whom I knew and 1 of those I knew pretty well, were killed in a car accident on the way back from lethbridge. When I found this out I was kind of a "man that sucks" moment and then I went to sleep. I woke up this morning and it hit me like a truck. These were three girls, three 19/20 year old girls who lost their lives. They were my age, just like me, and they're never going to see their families again, their never going to influence someone or change someones life or make someone a little happier with one of their smiles, and that thought is sad. I wasn't good friends with any of them, I mean I knew them, especially Cayley who was in my drama class three years in a row and who did plays with me after school, but I wasn't really friends with them. I talked to them, had conversations with them and enjoyed their company.

I think the thing thats affecting me most is that I knew them at all. 3 people who I knew DIED yesterday and thats a hard thing to stomach for all of us. These 3 girls were popular, fun loving girls, and some of the nicest people you'd ever meet, Cayley especially was sweet and always had a nice thing to say, and all three of them left a mark on our graduating class so it's no surprise that their facebook memorial group and walls are flooded with outcries of grief and shock and surprise. It's not suposed to happen like this. You're not supposed to take a road trip with friends and then on the way home die, you're supposed to live to an old age and change lives and make the world a little better and make friends, especially when you've already shown people that you are capable of great things. I don't think any of us can understand how it is that these three girls will never tough anyone elses lives the way they touched ours. And I think there's a lot of regret that we didn't get to know them better while we had the chance.

I know that we should be sad when anyone dies but it's different when you knew them personally. It puts your own mortality in perspective it makes you think "That could have been me" and that isn't something thats easy to deal with. And knowing that this will only get worse, we can't add people to our graduating class anymore we can only take them away, and I'm waiting for them moment when it's one of my best friends who dies, my old or my new ones, or worse I'm waiting for the news that a family member is dead. It's not a happy thought, though I have thought about it before. I've made plans for the worst case senario of my parents dying and me having to take care of my brother, but it's never been a truly serious thought, just a big fear. Now it seems possible and all to close. i think this is the first moment in my life where i went "holy crap, this could happen to me or my friends or my family" and It's changed my life, it's changed all of us.

The thing that breaks my heart most of all is their friends, I know their best friends, one of them went to school with me since grade four and I think about what it would be like if one of my best friends died, and my heart breaks for them. So I'm taking this moment to stop lamenting my own mortality to extend my sympathies to their friends and family, the ones that truly knew them, inside and out, and I hope that they can be whole again.

Cayley, Joi and Emma,
You were three of the most beautiful, energetic, fun loving and kind girls, and while we didn't always get along or see eye to eye I respected you and you did change my life just by taking the time to talk to me, none of our lives will be the same after this but I don't think thats a bad thing. You have many friends and family who will miss you, but they will remember you for the wonderful people you were and I hope that's enough. You will not be forgotten. That is my promise to you.

I can only hope that, god forbid, if my time were to come earlier than it should, that people would remember me and say the same kind of things they said about you. You were loved, and thats what really matters I think.


Wow. Sorry for all the depressing, but it's something I needed to get off my chest.
untill the next time,

Julie

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
(An Irish Blessing)
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there... I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight...
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry—
I am not there... I did not die...

Remembered Joy
(an Irish blessing)
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free!
I follow the plan God laid for me.
I saw His face, I heard His call,
I took His hand and left it all...
I could not stay another day,
To love, to laugh, to work or play;
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
And if my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...
Ah yes, these things I, too, shall miss.
My life's been full, I've savoured much:
Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—
Don't shorten yours with undue grief.
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow,
Enjoy the sunshine of the morrow.

In Time of Sorrow...
(An Irish blessing)
May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
when the shadows fall—
You do not walk alone.